"THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER"

Rest of the World Version:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE UK VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; which cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrates in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.

On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards. A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug ‘illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.


Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

How real is this...?

Flyers on Car windows

I was cycling home last night and I saw a whole street of cars with a flyer tucked under their wind screen wipers. I saw someone walk up to their car looking aggetated.

They thought they had received a parking ticket.

The tore off the flyer and threw it. They took them off quite a few cars before driving away in a mood!

So why do companies advertise their weirs with Yellow flyers on windscreens?

Did it have the right effect??

Monty Python - International Philosophy

Something to brighten your day.

Go to Youtube >>

What is RSS? and how can it be used

What is RSS. ? Well you may of seen this logo appear on websites.

It is defined as 'Really Simple Syndication'. It means sharing data.

What does that mean I still hear you ask and what does that mean to me?

Think of it as a distributable "What's New" on websites.

On a practical basis you can get your news headlines in your 'RSS Reader' like receiving email ! This is the only current practical use to the average internet users. Many companies share data using XML. RSS is effecitively just like XML, and is another form of that but kindof for news and consumer content.

A program known as a feed reader or aggregator can check a list of feeds on behalf of a user and display any updated articles that it finds.

There are two main ones that I use for work and for personal info. The first is Bloglines, this is web based and has been around for a while. This has the advantage of being able to save Blog searches. And the newboy is Google Reader.

I really like the BBC, (British Broadcasting Corporation) here in the UK for their explanation and they have been very good in setting up their services. They have adopted their content and it is good stuff. Take a look at their content.

Take a look at a RSS reader and have a play.

I get all my work news, news and sport direct to my 'news inbox' every day. It is addicitive and easier than trawling through your favourites to find new content.

Did this makes sense, any comments? A.

House stuff part 2 - electrics

The saga continues. This is so far a smooth purchase and yet it has taken ages.

We received our home buyer survery back and it had some worrying things. In short we commissioned a NICIC electical engineer to do a complete electrical survey. This was a wise thing to do. There doesnt seem to be any earthing of any kind and the outside lighting share a ring main with the cooker with a cable that would melt before the fuse would blow ! So, we would need to get this done as soon as possible.

The survey was used to negoitate a revised price. As the work has been made a condition of our mortgage. So, if you need a survey check out the official UK organisation for Sparkys !

Plus an official survey can be used as a price reducer !

NICEIC - official site >>